@@@@@When he looked up I saw a face that was as
@@@@@When he looked up I saw a face
that was as long and sad as an old bloodhound's
"Eleven-nineteen," he said"There was never
really a chance
Wireman put his face in his hands
xi
I got to the Ritz at quarter to one in the morning,
limping with fatigue and not wanting to be there
I wanted to be in my bedroom at Big PinkI wanted
to lie in the middle of my bed, push the strange
new doll to the floor as I had the ornamental
pillows, and hug Reba to meI wanted to lie there
and look at the turning fanMost of all, I wanted
753
to listen to the whispered conversation of the
shells under the house as I drifted off to sleep
Instead I had this lobby to deal with: too ornate,
too full of people and music (cocktail piano even
at this hour), most of all, too brightStill, my
family was hereI had missed the celebratory
dinnerI would not miss the celebratory breakfast
I asked the clerk for my keyHe gave it to me,
along with a stack of messagesI opened them one
after anotherMost were congratulationsThe one
from Ilse was differentIt read: Are you okay? If
I don't see you by 8 AM, I'm coming to find you
At the very bottom was one from PamThe note
itself was only four words long: I know she died
Everything else that needed saying was expressed
by the enclosure
xii
I stood outside 847 five minutes later with the
key in my handI'd move it toward the slot, then
move my finger toward the doorbell, then look back
toward the elevatorsI must have stood that way
754
for five minutes or more, too exhausted to make up
my mind, and might have stood there even longer if
I hadn't heard the elevator doors open, followed
by the sound of tipsy convivial laughter